


The Most Difficult Choice

by wlwchiaki



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Author wrote this at 5 AM, Gay, Harem, I thought you were american, Love Triangle, Multi, Nonbinary, Nonbinary K1-B0 (Dangan Ronpa), Nonbinary Keebo rights, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Pan - Freeform, Pansexual, Reunion, Shuichi is depressed, Someone help shuichi, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Saihara Shuichi, Transgender, love square
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wlwchiaki/pseuds/wlwchiaki
Summary: Updates one a week!Shuichi Saihara is a depressed teenaged prodigy, living in Tokyo and spiraling deeper into a hole of detective work and loneliness, who just wants to find somebody to love- or even just talk to.Kaede Akamatsu- A cheerful famous pianist who's an inspiration to him.Kokichi Ouma- A teasing perpetrator who keeps getting brought in for minor crimes.Kaito Momota- A confident and supportive friend from highschool.Keebo Idabashi- A clueless new detective assigned to work with Shuichi on a big new case that could change everything.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Harukawa Maki, Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Akamatsu Kaede/Saihara Shuichi, Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko, K1-B0/Saihara Shuichi, Momota Kaito/Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi, Saihara Shuichi & Everyone
Comments: 12
Kudos: 90





	1. Shuichi Sahara

I had had a long day of work. A double homicide, that I had to investigate until past one AM. My detective partner was on vacation with her fiancee, and so I was trampled with the workload.

"You can sign off now, Saihara. We aren't coming up with anything." Said my replacement partner, Detective Jin, next to me. He was scratching his head in confusion, staring down at the crime scene we had been investigating for hours.

The crime was that two men were killed in an alley behind some meat stores- right smack dab in the heart of Tokyo. No murder weapon, our DNA databases were malfunctioning, and no security tapes in the area. I was extremely frustrated, as this was looking like another cold case. I was the worst detective ever.

"Saihara. Go home." Jin said with a smile, patting my shoulder and sending me off. He was much older than me, by at least 30 years. His daughter, Kyoko, was actually my partner that was currently on vacation.

"Yeah, alright. I'll be on the case tomorrow night." I said to him, keeping eye contact with the ground. I walked away briskly and ducked under the police tape separating me from the rest of society.

I took the bus home.

I got off the bus a few stops later, and headed into my apartment. Being the 'amazing boy detective' I was, I had accumulated some money over the years since I started working at 15. However, Tokyo rates had gone up through the years. All I could afford was a small apartment on the top floor of a building.

I unlocked my door and immediately collapsed onto my couch in exhaustion. I threw of the cap I always wore to avoid making eye contact, and swung my body around to face the TV. My stomach rumbled with hunger, but I was too tired to get up and go to the fridge.

"You're getting bad again, Shuichi. Think about what your soulmate would say." My conscience said. Whatever. I'm not getting bad again. I'm not-

I catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the TV. My hair is messy. I'm so pale that my eye bags look like smudged marker. My detective uniform is too big again.

I turn on the TV, ignoring how much of a mess I am. I had left it on a true crime channel last night to help me fall asleep, but I had had enough of crime. I switch through the channels quickly, hoping to find a distraction. Finally something catches my eye. It's a piano concert, reminding me of my soulmate. I let it play.

It's at a concert hall just downtown, and it's a famous pianist playing that I immediately recognize.

"Kaede Akamatsu." I whisper, watching her fingers fly across the grand piano. She's wearing a light purple dress that matched her eyes perfectly, and her blonde hair is curled and cascading down her back in perfect ringlets. Her sheet music read 'Clair de Lune'

I close my eyes with a smile. The music is a beautiful symphony of notes. The sound is everything for a second- every cloud in the sky, and every raindrop that falls. I feel like I'm floating, basking in the music. It's like an almost tangible thing, that the beautiful Kaede is weaving with only her hands, and that the tapestry she weaves will go on forever. In short, it's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard. To my surprise, tears come to my eyes. Well, it's almost the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

After a few minutes it ends, however. The crowd started cheering loudly, and I opened my eyes. Kaede is smiling and the crowd is throwing roses at her.

"And now a performance by Hiyoko Saionji, the Japanese dancer of the century-" I cut off the TV, and am greeted with silence once again. I wipe away my tears, still breathing in her performance. For a split second, I swear I can still hear it, but then it's gone.

"There was a double homicide today. It was difficult to deal with." I say to the silence. No response.

Silence is all I seem to hear, nowadays. I notice the sun starting to rise over the city, casting long shadows across the streets. I wish I had someone. Not even a significant other- but maybe just a friend...? Or someone to talk to...

"Shuichi Saihara, the most successful and the loneliest twenty year old there is." I say aloud to nobody. My voice seems to echo in my apartment almost.

I think about one case I had a few months ago. A suicide, of a boy about my age. He had been working a minimum wage job, no family. Depression and a history of eating disorders. It all sounded just fine on paper, but when I arrived... I couldn't handle it and had to hand it off to Kyoko.

I end up falling asleep on the couch, not even changing out of my uniform.


	2. Kaede Akamatsu

Take the day off, son. It's December 15th and you still haven't used any vacation days." Jin tells me the next night when I come in for working the night shift.

"But-"

"I got the double homicide on some other detectives. Really, just take the day off." I want to object more, but before I knew what was happening, I was on the street, outside the agency I worked at. He probably gave the case to some rookies. I could probably solve it if he just gave me more time...

I sigh and walk around the city for a bit, not really doing anything. I pass by the karaoke bar and see some girls talking outside. It's a small redhead, a stronger looking girl, a dark skinned girl with white hair, and a blonde girl arguing loudly with her other friends.

"Hey, you!" Shouted the blonde, waving at me.

"M-me?" I stammer out. What the hell do they want me for?

"Ugh Miu does it have to be a dude?" Complained the buff girl. The redhead that was holding her hand looked at me.

"Nyeh? I think that's a girl, Tenko. Look at her hair. It's pretty long."

"Oh no, uh, no no I'm a boy!" I said quickly. The blonde girl, Miu, grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. I adjusted my cap so I didn't have to look any of them in the eye.

"So here's the deal shaggy hair- we need 5 people to get a karaoke room and we only have 4."

"You're over twenty, riiiiight?" The last girl says.

"I am twenty." I say. "But-"

"Will you join us?" Says the redhead. I look nervously at the crowd of extremely pretty girls. What am I supposed to say? No??

"Uh, yeah. Sure." They all cheer, except for the buff girl.

"I wish Kaede was here. She would've been better than some degenerate male." She says. Wait. Kaede?

"You mean, you guys are all friends with Kaede Akamatsu, the famous pianist?" I say in awe.

"Yes! We go to a college together in this area, and Kaede just happens to be famous!" Says the dark skinned girl. She has an accent.

"She couldn't make it today since she had a piano concert yesterday and is lined up for interviews today. We miss hanging out with her." The 'degenerate male' girl says.

"I can't believe you guys are friends with Kaede! I listened to her concert yesterday, she was amazing!" We enter the karaoke bar and get a room. Its surprisingly cheap, although I wouldn't know since I've never been to one before.

"Hey, shaggy hair! Stop getting a boner over Kaede and let us introduce ourselves! I'm Miu, that's Tenko, that's Himiko, and that's Angie." Miu says once we enter the room.

"My name is actually Shuichi."

"Eh, sounds the same." Miu says with a snicker.

Tenko and Himiko end up going first, singing some disney duet song.

"Are they together?" I ask Angie, who is sitting next to be eating fries.

"Ohhh yes! They've been girlfriends since middle school!" She giggles.

"Ah, good for them." I watch them sing. They seem cute together.

"Miu's dating someone at the moment, in case you were interested. As for me, my only significant other is our lord Atua!"

Huh, I guess she's super religious or something. I decide not to ask.

"What about you, Shuichi?"

"Oh, um, I'm never dated anyone."

"Whaaaat? Aren't you twenty?"

"Yeah... um, I don't want to talk about it." I say sullenly. I look down at the floor.

"I'm sorry. Maybe Atua could make you feel better." She says with a smile. Angie seems nice, if not slightly cultish.

"Thanks..?" Himiko and Tenko finished singing, and passed the mic to Miu. The girls had ordered drinks, and I guess they ordered one for me too since before I knew what was happening there was a huge, colorful, alcoholic drink in my hand.

I don't really drink, but all the girls were having so much fun, so I decided to try and join in. I've never hung out with people like this, so it was a totally new experience.

Three drinks and several songs later, I'm completely drunk. The lights of the room and the karaoke tv are blurring together, like I'm wearing glasses that aren't my prescription. The tense feeling of pressure that is constantly in my head is completely gone though. My phobia of social interaction and eye contact also seems to be gone as well! I take off my hat and place it on the table.

"Shuichiiiiii you should sing!" Himiko says with a grin. She's obviously drunk, but I guess he's a lightweight since she only had one drink.

"Yeah come on shaggy!" Miu slurs, pushing me to the mic. I smile.

"Okaaaay then! Are you ladies ready to rock?!" I shout into the mic with as much force as possible, trying not to accidentally fall off the one foot risen stage.

My friends cheer for me, and Tenko cheers the loudest. She didn't seem to like me at first but now that we're drunk she great!

A popular song comes up on the queue, one by a famous idol named Sayaka Maizono.

I sing as loud as possible, jumping around, putting on a whole show for everyone. I feel different. I feel completely free! I feel amazing! I feel... suddenly I'm hit with the urge to throw up on the spot.

I finish the song and then stumble off to the bathroom. I sit there hunched over the toilet, expecting to puke, but it never comes, so I stagger back to the karaoke room. I lay down on the couch with my head in the sleeping Angie's lap, and then immediately fall unconscious.

"Hey! Wake up you guys!" I hear a voice suddenly say. There's someone lightly slapping my face. I slowly open my eyes.

It's an angel. A real life angel. Beautiful blonde hair that slightly curled at the tips, wide lilac eyes. Her cheeks were slightly pink, like she had just seen something embarrassing. She's wearing a mix of purples that remind me of a winter sunset. The memory of classical music floods my mind. And I realize who I'm staring at!

"Are you awake shaggy?"

"Who's-who's shaggy?" I mumble, still looking at Kaede's face.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Miu said your name is Shaggy. Sorry. Let me help you up." She held out a hand, which I sleepily took.

"I'm a friend of these 4's, and they called me at 3 in the morning to give them a ride back to campus." She says while helping me up. I sway on my feet.

"Do you need a ride..?" She asks with a small smile.

"No, I can drive." I take a step forward and almost do a somersault.

She giggles. "Take it easy. Go to the front of the bar with the others, and I'll drive you home." I want to protest, but she's so pretty and I am very dizzy so I stumble to the front with the others.

Kaede drives a white corvette, sleek and well kept. Angie, Tenko, and Miu sleep in the backseat with Himiko laying down across the three of them. I'm in the passenger seat. It takes all my energy not to accidentally throw up in her expensive car.

"I'm Kaede Akamatsu, by the way." She says at a red light.

"I know. I saw you on TV!" I'm not used to looking at people's eyes. My fear seemed to dissipate with alcohol.

She blushes brightly. "Oh wow, are you a fan?" She says shyly, keeping her eyes back on the road.

"Mm hm. You were so beautiful. You are so beautiful!" I say confidently. She blushes even more now.

"You know, I still don't know your name."

"Shuichi Saihara" I say with a surprising amount of clarity.

"I would really like to meet you when you aren't completely wasted Shuichi. And I'm sorry my friends got you drunk. Oh gosh, please tell me you're legal."

"I am legal! Pff, I'm 20 years old." I say. Wait. She wants to meet me again.

"Kaede you wouldn't like me... alcohol free." I tell her. A few doubts and insecurities that had been drowned were starting to pop up.

"I'm a loser who's never even dated anyone." I find myself saying.

"Hm. Here's my number. Text me sometime, okay? You seem like a great guy, plus you made sure my friends didn't get into any trouble."

She writes her number in purple pen on my arm and gives me a soft smile.

She lets me out to my apartment building a few minutes later, and I bid goodbye to Akamatsu and her friends.


	3. Kokichi Ouma

I wake up the next day, my head throbbing. God, what the hell happened last night? The sun is insanely bright, like its burning through my eyelids every time I blink. I stumble over to my bathroom to wash my face when I notice purple writing on my arm. It's a phone number. A phone number? Jesus, Shuichi. What the hell did you do last night?

I remember going to the bar with those girls- Tenko, Himiko, Angie, and Miu if I recall correctly. And then- oh. Kaede Akamatsu, the gorgeous pianist, drove my drunk ass home. I feel my face turn bright red. Oh my god, this must be her number.

I run over to my cell phone and type the number into it and make a new contact- Kaede Akamatsu, with the music note emoji next to it. I want to text her, but I feel a bit nervous. And also nauseous. I decide to drink a few cups of black coffee before deciding what to do. I also have to call Jin and tell him I'm heading into work tonight.

It isn't until I'm checking in some evidence through our locker I remember about texting her.

"Shit!" I audibly cuss, and fumble with my phone for a second. I take a seat at my desk and spin in the rolly chair and decide what I should text her.

"What's going on, Mr.Detective?" A voice rings from inside the holding cell. I look over in annoyance. It's coming from a boy my age, with purple hair tied back in a ponytail. He's wearing a baggy white hoodie and ripped black jeans. Another detective turned him in half an hour ago- for vandalism or something of the sort.

"Please don't interrupt in my business." I say coldly, and spin away from him. The music notes by her name seem to be taunting me.

"Aw cmon, I'm always glad to help out a fellow law abiding citizen." He calls out smugly.

"I'm sure you wouldn't know what to say to her."

"Oooh, girl problems? Cmere girl, lemme help ya out." He mimics pulling me over with a rope. I mean, what's the harm it could do? I'm on my 'lunch' break, and most of my fellow officers are out on the field. My case was transferred over to the major crimes division, so I was just waiting for my captain to assign me another one.

"Fine." I sit at the bench in front of the holding cell.

"I met this girl last night, drunk. I had been hanging out with some of her friends and she drove me home. She gave me her phone number and told me to text her. She's, um, also this semi-famous pianist in college right now." The criminal nods, eyes squinted at my phone.

"Kaede Akamatsu, yes I'm aware. How about just a simple, hello?" He says.

"What if she finds me creepy? And she won't even know my name!"

"Okay, then how about: Hey, this is the drunk boy you drove home last night. Remember me? That way, it'll get a conversation going." He states. His expression is more serious now, less the playful one it had been before.

"O-Oh! That's, um, that's actually perfect! Thank you!" His serious expression turns back to his playful one.

"Pfff, it's nothing. Hey, remember this favor I did for you when talking to your police friends. The name's Kokichi Oma, the best citizen there is!" He pokes me in the side through the crossed bars of the holding cell.

"Agh, don't touch me! I have a gun you know!"

"Gasp! A gun! Jeez, police brutality much?!" That actually makes me laugh for a second, before I straighten up again. I roll my eyes and adjust my cap.

"Seriously Mr.Detective... ah..." He looks at my badge pinned to my chest for a second before looking back up at me. "Shuichi!"

"Saihara to you."

"Nah, ima call you Shumai." He giggles.

"What?"

"A nickname? Haven't you heard of those before? Awww, have you never had friends to call you a nickname before?" Uncomfortable, I reposition my hat on my head.

"Well- well neither have I! I'm just like you Shumai!" He says, sniffling. He's exaggeratedly crying. I know he's faking, but I can't help but feel bad for him. After all, it's 2 AM on a saturday night and he's cooped up in the holding cell, with his arresting officer nowhere to be found.

"Who's your arresting officer?" I ask him.

"That was just a- what?"

"This is borderline negligence at this point. You have the right to an attorney, whatever you did." I explain to him.

"Oh- their badge said Keebo Idabashi, I think." Keebo? Their name sounds familiar, but I don't think I've met them before.

"I'll have this taken care of. Um, thanks for the help." Kokichi snaps back into his persona with a big grin.

"No problemo Shumai! Good luck with your Kaedeeee!" He draws out the e in a weird way. I walk away from the holding cell, but I can't help but feel like I want to stay longer and keep talking to that strange boy.

I walk into my captain's office. Usually I would find this Keebo myself, but I have no clue what they look like or who they are.

"Captain Tojo?" I ask, rapping softly on her opened door. She glances up and waves me in. She's typing away at her laptop, but she lowers it slightly to talk to me. Kirumi has always had a soft spot for me ever since she discovered I was a 15 year old coming out of the police academy. I think she may pity me, being the 'boy wonder' and all.

"I was talking to a perp who committed a minor crime in the holding cell, who's arresting officer has left him there for quite some time, even though the precinct isn't very busy tonight. I feel that the officer should take him in and deal with him as soon as possible."

Kirumi nods slowly. "Do you have the arresting officer's name?"

"Yes- Keebo Idabashi? I don't recognize their name." She laughs softly.

"Ah, they're a transfer officer from the 62nd precinct. They had to leave because of HR problems, so I volunteered to take them in."

"Always the kind one, Captain Tojo."

"Yes. Well I believe I sent them to file away some evidence because a different officer had to leave early. I wasn't aware they had a perp in holding. I'll radio them. Thank you for bringing this to my attention." I nod politely and step out of her office. I go to give Kokichi a thumbs up, but he's slumped against the wall, fast asleep.

I sit back down at my desk, and type out the text to Kaede. After a few minutes of nervousness, I hit send.

Wait, it's almost three in the morning! She's gonna think I'm crazy! I quickly type a follow up text, saying that I work the night shift at a police precinct. I really hope she responds. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't.

Last night was the first time I had felt happy in a long time. Being out with friends- having not a care in the world- that's what I want to feel again.


	4. Kaito Momota

When I step outside to head home a few hours later, the faint signs of the sunrise over the skyline, I'm hit with a sudden wave of dizziness. I fall against a random car and try to brace myself. There are black spots in my eyes for a solid 10 seconds before I can see again.

Go through the checklist, Shuichi. How did you forget to take care of yourself? Last time I had water- about 30 minutes ago. Last time I slept- I slept all day yesterday. Last time I ate- shit. I'm pretty sure the last time I ate was dinner three days ago. I slowly walk, to not dizzy myself again, over to a bakery near the precinct.

I stumble inside and order a cappuccino and a bagel.

"Would you like a salmon bagel?" The baker asks. I can't even look up to see their face, I'm so dizzy. Another wave of dizziness hits.

"No thanks... I'm.. vegetarian..." The amount of light headedness overwhelms me, and I feel myself collapsing.

I feel my body on the ground. I hear people talking around me. My hat is off my head. I need to put it back on. I slowly open my eyes, blinking away the blurriness. What I see above me is incredibly surprising, to say the least.

"K-kaito?" I stutter. I cautiously sit up, grabbing my hat and placing it back on my head, still staring in awe at the concerned man in front me. There are strangers crowded around me still.

"Are you okay??" He asks with wide eyes.

"Yeah- yeah, I'm sorry, I just need to- um, I just need to eat something." He nods grimly.

"Alright everyone, stop crowding around him! He's okay, I got it." The strangers around me dissipate slowly. Kaito extends a hand to me to help me up, which I gratefully take. I feel another wave of dizziness though, and fall into him.

"Oh! Uh- Ryoma, I'm going on break now, can you get a bagel and a cappuccino for him?" A very short man on a stool wearing the same uniform as Kaito gives him a thumbs up.

Kaito leads me to a table in the back of the bakery. I sit down on the tall chair and slump my face into my hand, staring at him.

"Kaito- what are you doing here?" I ask, shaking my head slowly.

Kaito is- well, was, my best friend before I was scouted and left for the police academy. We had a huge falling out, ending with the both of us vowing never to speak or see each other ever again. He was my first, only, and last friend I ever had. Seeing him was like getting punched in the gut twenty times over and over again.

He sadly sighs. Kaito's friend brings over my bagel and coffee. I eat the bagel in small pieces, afraid I'll get nauseous if I eat too much at once.

"Shuichi- I was so wrong. I am so sorry." He says once his coworker leaves.

"I was a stupid 16 year old. I was selfish, and I didn't consider your feelings. I just didn't want you to like, y'know, leave me. I didn't think about how you were achieving your dream! I was so stupid. My bad." I take a moment to process his words. I never was truly mad at him back then, and I wasn't now.

"It's okay. You know... I've missed you too." He grins, reaching across the table to pat my back with a surprising amount of force.

"But really, what are you doing here?"

"Oh! Well, I'm sure you don't wanna hear my depressing life story, haha..." He chuckles and strokes his goatee. Wait, he has a goatee? Nevermind that.

"Cmon, dude. Tell me." I chuckle.

He scratches the back of his head, his face pink. "Well, after you left, Maki and I... we broke up."

"You guys broke up?" I say, stunned. They had been dating for as long as I could remember, and last I had checked they were going to get married.

"Yeah. She wanted to join the military, while I just wanted to start a family after I found out I couldn't be an astronaut because of my illness." Before I left, he found out he had sickle cell anemia, making him unable to go to space- ever.

I nod sympathetically, and place a hand on his. He looks up at me.

"I ended up here, in Tokyo, because of college. I'm still taking classes at the university for astronomy, and i'm working here to make ends meet! So things were bad, but... i'd say that they're looking up." I smile at him, and squeeze his hand. He squeezes back and I feel a slight blush creeping on.

Poor Kaito... He finds out that he's sick, and then both me and Maki leave him...

"Kaito... I'm so sorry. We should have kept in touch all these years."

"It's fine. But for what it's worth, I wish we had kept in touch too. To be honest, you don't look so well." I let go of his hand and finish my bagel. I listen to the sound of coffee shop chatter for a few seconds before answering.

"Well, having to look at dead bodies for four years and staying up all night does have its downsides." I can tell he wants to press further, so I start talking again before he can.

"Um, I've gotta go home and rest. Also, your coworker seems to be in need of assistance." I laugh, gesturing over to the short man running around, trying to fulfill all the orders.

He still looks deeply concerned for a few seconds before snapping out of it. "Hah, yeah, you're right. Oh, wait, let me give you my number!"

When we both stand up, I realize how tall and muscular he is now. I'm still the same height and stature I was at 16- but Kaito seems to have topped 6 foot and looks like he could crush my skull between his thighs. My face reddens.

I hand him my phone, and he puts in a contact for himself.

"Oh, hey! You know Kaede?" He says.

"Wait- did she text me?" I ask quickly, grabbing the phone from him. She had texted back! I ignore it for now, I'll check after I leave.

"How do you know her?" I ask him.

"We have advanced french together! We're both minoring in it." He explains.

"Okay, I've REALLY got to get back to work. If you need anything, just text me. You're still my assistant, right?" He says with a wink. The whole assistant thing was an inside joke we had back in highschool.

"Yep, see ya boss." I say with a grin. I leave the coffee shop with my untouched cappuccino in a to go cup.

Wow. That is not what I expected to do today, but it was a nice surprise. 

Tokyo is incredibly busy now, as it's morning rush hour for all the normal folk heading TO work, and all the night shift workers heading home. It's loud with the sounds of people talking, walking, and the sounds of cars beeping. The strong smells of cigarette smoke tempt me back to my old habits, but I fight the urge and instead board the subway to go back home. 

When I arrive at my apartment I kick off my shoes and change into my pajamas, which is just an oversized t shirt from high school and basketball shorts. I take off my binder as well, and slump onto my couch.

Kaito... I find myself thinking of him again. His bright purple eyes, always encouraging and prompting me to do better. I remember him taking care of me during panic attacks in high school, and helping me come out to my friends when I first started transitioning.

And then us fighting. Shouting at each other when I said I had been recruited for the police academy. He felt betrayed. I was so stressed at the time and took it out on him. I should have been patient and kinder with him- of course he was going to be upset, I was his best friend.

I bury my head in a pillow, and when I pull away I notice black marks on the pillow. Oh, shoot. My eyeliner. I go to the bathroom to wipe it off when my phone buzzes.

Kaede! I just remembered! I fumble with my phone for a few seconds and open her message.

"Hello drunk boy I drove home last night! And it's no problem, I had my phone on silent anyways. Sorry- I don't think I caught your name!"

"Ooooh drunk boy, are you there?" My face reddens.

"Sorry again! I forgot to answer your texts. My name is Shuichi Saihara." 

She texts back almost immediately.

"Right! Angie and the other girls were asking about you, they wanted to ask if you were okay since they kinda kidnapped you lol"

"Oh, I'm okay! Just a little hungover haha."

"To be expected." There's a pause, and I see that she's typing something.

"Well my friends and I are throwing a party next Saturday, if you want to come." She texts finally.

I think about it for a second. Kaede, Tenko, Himiko, Miu, Angie... now that I think about it, Kaito will probably be there as well. I'm not really a party person, but I do want to get to know Kaede better and I want to see Kaito again.

"Sure, I'd love to." 

"Yayyy!" She texts back with a party emoji. She tells me the time and how to sneak onto campus. 

That's something to look forward to! I smile and put down my phone to charge. 

I can't believe I have to wait a whole week.


	5. Keebo Idabashi

“...And the job was completed successfully.” A voice says loudly, making me snap up. Veryone starts clapping loudly. Confused, I start clapping as well. Shoot. I must have fallen asleep in today’s staff meeting. 

I look at the person I share my table with, a bubbly detective with blue hair and big glasses. Her name is Tsumugi, and her desk is covered in anime figurines. She’s looking up front so I don’t think she noticed me dozing off. 

“Finally, we have the coordinates for a fairly small hard drug bust- but the perpetrators may have information for the Z hideout.” Captain Tojo says. Murmurs irrupt throughout the room. I gasp. The Z hideout is a HUGE rumor we’ve heard from recent dealers here in this area of downtown Tokyo. There could be millions of dollars worth of hard drugs at the warehouse. 

“The whole squad will be busting, but I do need a number one on the case.” I raise my hand, not even thinking about it. 

“I’ll take it.”

“After recent incidents, I’ll need you to retake your field job psychological evaluation.” I feel my cheeks redden in embarrassment, thinking about what happened.

It was two weeks ago- I was the lead detective at an apparent illegal transportation of animals when a shootout broke out. A bullet had lodged in the tip of my boot, narrowly missing my foot. I panicked because I thought my foot had been shot, had a spontaneous panic attack, and fainted after a few seconds. Kyoko had to carry me back to the squad car after the shootout was over. 

Can you take it tomorrow during the day?” She asks. I nod. I should be able to get a morning appointment and run over in the morning.

“I’m assigning you Keebo as your second.” I stifle a groan. The incompetent detective who left that perp Kokichi in the holding cell for such a long time last night. A person about my age, surprisingly young, turns around from the table in front of me. They have spiky greyish hair, blue eyes, and they smile with a huge grin.

“I’m Keebo. Nice to meet you!” They hold out a gloved hand, which I shake. They seem… eccentric.

“Nice to meet you.” I try and look in his eyes this time, which I’ve always had a problem doing. I end up looking away only a few seconds later.

“That’s it for today. The bust will be at 3 AM tomorrow.”

“Thanks Captain Tojo.” The room echoes. 

“So, Detective Saihara, I’m super excited to be working with you! I’ve heard you're the best guy in the force!” Keebo trails behind me as I walk out. I realize how much shorter they are when standing up, they seem to be a good half foot shorter.

“Yep. That’s me.” I sigh, returning to my desk.

“I’m your age, but I’ve only been in the force for a few days. This is my first major case.” They tap their fingers together with a nervous smile.

“I was nervous too, on my first job.” I give him a tired smile and pick up my phone to call the psychology office. I glance over to Keebo. They look terrified. I put down the phone and put a hand on their shoulder.

“Don’t sweat it. It’s a simple drug bust, and then we’ll interrogate the perps we catch, right?” They nod.

“I’m sure you won’t mess up, but if you do, I’m the lead detective so I’ll take any blame.”

“Ah- I can’t ask you to do that!” Keebo blushes.

“That’s actually policy…” I scratch the back of my head. 

“Oh. Well then I won’t mess up!” They grin and squeeze their fists in front of them, visibly excited.

“Trust me. At some point, you’ll make a mistake, and that’s fine.” I pause, fighting back memories about one of my first jobs. 

“This is a big case though, so no pressure.” I tell him. Keebo laughs nervously.

“Yep. No pressure!”

“I have to call the psychologist, sorry. Let’s plan later, alright?” I tell them and sit back down.

“Alright!” I watch them leave. Hmm. I guess Keebo isn’t as incompetent as I thought- just young, and naive. Also, surprisingly pretty cute. I hope the pressure doesn’t get to them like it did to me. 

I schedule an appointment with the psychologist's office for tomorrow afternoon.

After a morning of fitful sleep, I’m seated in the waiting room for the phycologist's, flipping through an astrology magazine. I figured I’d read up so I can connect to Kaito more.

“Shuichi Saihara?” I look up, and my psychologist gestures me over.

“Hello Ms.Sara.”

“Hi Shuichi! It’s great to meet you!” Ms.Sara seems to be a bubbly lady. She has curly blonde hair and lots of pink lipstick.

“How can I help you today?” We sit down together in her sparsely decorated office. 

“I need to do a field work psych eval.” She nods, and quickly jots down something on her clipboard.

“Alright! Are you ready to start?” I nod.

“We’ll start with word association. I’m going to say a word, and you say the word that first pops into your mind.”

“Gun.”

“Head.” I blurt out. I feel my face turn red. Her eyes widen slightly, which I take is not good, and she writes something down. I look away, slightly embarrassed.

“No shame, alright? We just gotta be honest here.”

“Yeah.” I sigh, and settle into a more comfortable sitting position.

“Shooting.”

“Death.”

“Police.”

“...Death.”

“Perpetrator.”

“Help.” Help? She smiles.

“I think you are a very kind and good detective for saying that.” I laugh nervously.

“Continuing on. We have two more.”

“Nighttime.”

“Nightmares.”

“Suicide.”

“Attempt.” She writes down a few things.

“Well, your last few answers weren’t bad, but your first three were a bit concerning. Don’t worry, those questions weren’t all-conclusive. I do have a few questions for you about your mental health and work.”

“Shoot.” 

“It says here you were assigned female at birth. Has the fact that you are transgender effected you in the workplace?” That’s a hard one. I think about it for a few seconds.

“Yes. I have had criminals specifically target me for hate crimes, and when I was in a different precinct, I was assaulted by a coworker.” I kind of space out whenever I talk about things like this. Like my brain kind of leaves my body, and my mouth answers all on it’s own.

“I see. I’m glad you left that precinct. My next question may be a bit triggering. Have you ever expressed suicidal ideation? It says here you do go to a therapist, so a simple yes or no will do. No need for explanation.”

“Yes.” I state robotically. There’s a couple moments of silence except for her pen scritching on her clipboard.

“On a scale from one to ten, how much would you say you take care of yourself and your mental, physical, and emotional health? One being not at all, ten being every day.”

“Two.” I answer truthfully. I often forget to eat, sleep, and drink water. I have a series of alarms set to remind myself, but I almost always ignore them. I also tend to over-bind.

“Finally, how often do you prioritize work life over personal life on a scale of one to ten? One being never, 10 being every day.” 

“Ten.”

“Mr.Saihara, I’m afraid to say that based on your answers you won’t be able to partake in any field work anytime soon. I’m very concerned for your mental health. You have been on the police force since 16, which is very traumatic already, but especially with a teenager. I would recommend abstaining from work for an extended vacation, and possibly switching to the day shift at your work. Otherwise I’m afraid it will have very negative effects on your health.” 

I slouch down, shocked.

“I can’t… work?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“I can’t. I can’t do that, I’m sorry. I need to keep working otherwise…”

“Otherwise?”

“I’ll be alone. I won’t have anyone, any friends to talk to, and I’ll be alone with my thoughts.” I start to panic, imagining sleepless after sleepless night in my dark apartment with no distractions and no one to talk to.

“I need to do this job!” I stand up. My voice is hysterical now, and my heart is thundering in my chest. 

“Mr.Saihara, please remain calm. We can talk through this alright?” Ms.Sara says calmly, standing up to meet me at my level. 

“S-sorry.” I go quiet quickly and sit back down. I’m shaking like a leaf in a tornado though.

After a good half hour of discussing my options, we agree that I will take this job, but then I have to take at least a two week break from work. She says that I should consider admitting myself to a mental hospital or psych ward. I honestly agree with her. I tell her about the party I’m going to on Saturday, which she seems happy about. 

“Try connecting with these new friends of yours, Kaito, or maybe even some of your coworkers. I think that may be beneficial to you.” 

“I think so too.” She sends me off with the documents to give to Kirumi, almost 2 hours later. My shift starts in 3 hours, so I still have time to sleep.

When I get home, my phone buzzes.

“Hey Shuichi!” It’s from an unknown number.

“Who’s this?”

“Lol sorry, this is Keebo.”

“How’d you get my number?”

“I asked Captain Tojo for it!”

“Why…?”

“Well, we never got to discuss our plans for the bust last night, so I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee and discuss them today?” For some reason, this makes me feel nervous. I’m not bad at one on one social interactions- so why do I feel butterflies in my stomach? Do I have a crush on Keebo or something? I’m not usually the type to get a crush easily.

“Sure.” We decide to go to a cafe only a block from my apartment. 

I decide to head over there early. I order a cappuccino and watch the people on the street pass by for a bit. 

“Hello Shuichi!” 

“Hey Keebo.” They order a hot chocolate. I resist the urge not to call them cute. They roll out a piece of paper with notes and a sketched diagram of the building. Wow, they’re really prepared for this.

“So-” They start rambling on about their ideas for the bust. They’re so energetic. The vibes they give off are overwhelmingly positive, similar to a puppy. A grey haired, short, puppy.

“What do you think?” They finish their plan off with a smile.

“Ah, good? It sounds good.” I was only half listening, but it sounded pretty decent to me.

“Although from personal experience, squadron 3 shouldn’t take down the back doors. That group isn’t as experienced, I would recommend swapping 3 and 6.” I tap the piece of paper with my index finger, showing how squadron six isn’t really taking a whole lot of the work.

“Ooh. Good thing you’re first detective, otherwise I would have no idea about that.” They chuckle nervously, and swap the two squadrons.

I sip my cappuccino.

“So… Keebo, why’d you become a cop?” I ask them, now that we had finalized the plan. 

“Well, to be honest…” They blush. “I saw the episode they did on you on Teenage Legends, and I was kind of inspired. After that, I just fell in love with the idea of becoming a detective who helps people and makes life better.” Keebo buries their face in their hands.

They were inspired by me…? I find myself blushing as well.

“Ah… don’t be embarrassed, that’s actually really cool!” I smile. They look up slowly and smile back. We end up talking over our hot drinks for another hour.

“See you tonight!”

“See you.” Surprisingly they hug me goodbye, which makes me feel all flustered. I’m not used to people touching me.

Walking back to my apartment, I find myself scrolling through my contacts. I only have 10 contacts- Himiko, Angie, Miu, Tenko, and Kaede- Kaede gave me their numbers. I have Kaito’s as well of course, and my parents. I also have the suicide hotline saved as a contact additionally. Now, I have Keebo’s.

Maybe this break from work won’t be so bad. I have all these people to talk to, after all.


	6. Chapter 6

Later that night, while I’m gearing up, someone yells my name from the holding cell.

“Shuichiiiiii!!” I glance around rapidly, hoping Captain Tojo or any other higher ranked police aren’t around. Thank god, no one is. I walk over to the holding cell while finishing the buckle of my bulletproof vest.

“Kokichi?” He smiles at me. He’s wearing a checkerboard hoodie now, and his hair is loose from his ponytail. He’s kind of pale and looking sickly.

“I can’t talk to you right now… but are you okay?” He laughs.

“Peachy. I NEED to get outta here though, I have a party on saturday and I don’t trust the process.” I sigh. 

“Sorry dude, but as you can see I have a bust. Plus, I don’t even know what you did. You could have murdered someone.” I tease. Usually I’m so awkward around people. I don’t know why I feel comfortable about this dramatic kid I’ve met once. Maybe it’s his intenseness that makes me want to match his energy. I’m not really sure.

“All I did was shoplift a couple dollars worth of bread, Shuichi.” He says, deadpan. I want to open the holding cell for him. He looks so tired and like he needs some food right now.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” Reluctantly, I turn around and sigh. This legal system sucks. I joined to make the world better, not imprison some poor 20 something year old for stealing bread.

I go over to the break room, and get a package of chips, a yoghurt, and a granola bar. I go back to the holding cell and subtly slip it between the bars.

“Ooooh thanks Shumai!!!” He perks up and starts eating.

“Yeah.” I blush and scratch the back of my head. Shumai… I like having a nickname.

“Hey Shuichi, we’re rolling out.” Keebo calls me over.

“Coming!”

“Good luck, mister big and strong policeman.”

“You too…” 

About a half hour later, we’re waiting outside the warehouse. Since I’m the lead detective on the case, I’m the one who signals to the others to invade.

“This is squadron 4, we just had to tackle down someone exiting the warehouse. Anyone inside wasn’t alerted of our presence. Over.”

“Lead speaking. That’s our signal. All squadrons enter. Over.” I answer.

With that simple command, I hear 20 something police breaking into the warehouses. My squadron busts in as well.

“PUT ANY WEAPONS ON THE GROUND AND YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!” I shout, holding my gun and flashlight.

There are four people I can see. Three of them put their hands in the air, but one starts running to the exit near me.

“RUNNER BY SQUADRON ONE!” Someone shouts. No shit.

I drop my gun and flashlight, dash over to the runner, and tackle them down. I'm skinny and 5’7 with no muscle whatsoever, but I’ve been trained so I’m able to take down a perp with a single elbow hit to the spine. They crash onto the concrete ground, and I skillfully handcuff them.

“You’ll never find location Z.” Laughs the perp as I drag them to the car. What-what did they just say?

“How do you know it’s called location Z? That’s classified code.” 

“Heh… wouldn’t you like to know, pig.” I shove them in the cop car and shut the door. 

There can be only one way that this random perp would know the term for location Z. 

There’s someone working for the drug ring in the Tokyo Police Department. My blood runs cold at the thought. 

I can’t take a break from work now, not after finding this out. I shiver. 

A few hours later, after an exhausting amount of time scouring the crime scene and gathering evidence, I’m finally back at home. I’m incredibly tired, but my brain is so full of thoughts I couldn’t dream of sleeping.

I’ve got to choose. I need to either value my mental and physical health, engage in my newfound relationships, and learn how to take care of myself. Or I could sacrifice those things, and choose instead to bust one of the biggest drug rings in Tokyo and get millions of dollars of hard drugs off the streets. 

I bury my head in my arms, scowling.

Maybe I can balance the two? 

I don’t know. I guess I’ll see this evening after I wake up.

I wake up still tired and not wanting to clock in. Even if I decide to ignore Ms.Sara’s orders to stay home from work for two weeks, I know I should at least stay home tonight. I call in and tell Kirumi, who’s understanding like always.

I flip on the TV just for some background noise, but I end up getting invested into the nature show that randomly starts playing. An hour later, my phone vibrates. It’s… Kaede?

“Hey so I know the party is on saturday but do you wanna hang out tonight with me and the girls? We’re bored.”

“Sorry, I don’t feel like going out tonight.” Better to tell the truth than lie I suppose.

“No problem! Want us to come over then?” My heart skips a beat. I glance around my quiet apartment. It’d be nice to have some company.

“Sure, but don't expect i’ll be much fun.”

“Hehe. so umm we’re actually already here because I saved your apartment building’s address when I drove you home. Sorry! What’s your apartment number?” 

“I’m number 24 on the 20th floor.” I’m on the top floor of my building, so I should have some time to quickly tidy up. I throw on a binder, wipe the countertops, and I am locking the door to my messy bedroom which I neglect because of depression when I hear someone knocking at my door.

“Hey Shuichi!” Tenko gives me a bear hug. I guess once she can trust a guy, she really trusts them.

“Shuichi! I am so glad to see you again! You were so fun to talk to last monday.” Angie smiles at me. 

“You too!” I laugh. The energy they all give off is so strong.

“Heyyyy shaggy!” Miu shouts, putting me in a headlock and ruffling my hair. I turn red, realizing I’m not wearing my hat to avoid eye contact like usual. Jeez. Well, I was fine last time around them. I feel strangely comfortable around them all, even if I didn’t spend much time with Kaede.

“Hi.” Himiko says shortly, giving me a small wave.

“Hi!”

“Shuichi! It’s nice to see you again!” Kaede says last. She’s wearing a denim jacket covered in pins, and a pink crop top and skirt set. It’s strange not to see her in her performance outfit like on TV.

“Hi, Kaede.” I suddenly freeze up and feel all nervous. She’s just so pretty, and the fact that she’s about an inch taller than me makes me feel even more flustered.

“Haha, this is the first time I’ve talked with you in real life when you weren’t drunk.”

“Oh my god Shuichi your apartment is HUGE!” Tenko says. They’re all waiting in the kitchen for me. 

“Thanks, one of the perks of being a detective I guess.” I chuckle, before turning back to Kaede.

“Let’s join the others!” She gestures her head with a smile. I nod, even though it’s my own house and I suppose I should be saying that. 

“What do you guys want to do?” I ask them. 

“Hmm… we could play never have i ever.” Himiko suggests. She’s sitting on my countertop.

“Hell yeah! You got any alcohol shaggy?” Miu asks. I go over to the freezer and pull out a bottle of vodka. 

“For emergencies.” I joke. They laugh, and I pull out 5 wine glasses since it’s all I have.

“Atua says we should drink water as well so we don’t get alcohol poisoning.” Angie says. I guess that’s how she talked regularly, because none of the other girls say anything. Kaede gets water for us all, and we sit down on my blanket in the living room.

“Never have I ever… kissed a girl.” Angie says with a devious smile. Tenko and Himiko drink of course, but I’m surprised to see Miu and Kaede drink as well. I’ve only kissed one person, and he was a boy I dated in middle school. 

“Ooooh, you’ve never had the privilege of kissing a girl, Shuichi??” Tenko gasps. I feel my face flush as I shake my head.

“Heh. You should kiss one of us.” Kaede sticks out her tongue. I blush even harder and bury my hand in my fists. They all laugh, but not at me. More like they’re laughing with me, as I find myself chuckling in spite of myself.

“Dirty move Kaede. Dirty move.” Himiko giggles.

We’re going in a circle, and since I’m on Angie’s right, it’s my turn.

“Ah… Never have i ever cheated on a college test?” Miu and Himiko drink.

“Himiko??” Tenko says, shocked.

“It was calculus.” We all nod in understanding. 

After several more rounds of playing, we had to stop letting Miu drink and replaced her vodka with water, since she was slowly getting blackout. Kaede is also very drunk, Tenko is just a bit drunk, and Himiko, Angie, and I are all just tipsy. 

“Huh… Kaede, you’re actually pretty hot.” Miu says out of nowhere, staring at Kaede.

“You aren’t so bad yourself, cutie.” Kaede does finger guns at her and winks. This makes me blush.

“I think we’ve had enough tonight drinking.” Tenko slurs. 

“Definitely.” Himiko takes the glass of vodka out of her hands.

“Ahaha, Angie doesn’t think we should let Kaede or any of us drive tonight. Shall we call an uber?” She asks.

“Nah, you guys can stay here. It’ll be a sleepover.” 

“WOOHOOOO SLEEPOVER AT SHAGGYS!!!” Miu shouts.

“Hey you’re pretty hot too.” She says to me. 

“Haha, what?”

“Noooo Miu you’re mine!” Kaede pouts, and pulls Miu over into a kiss. They start making out, and I respectfully look away.

“Ooh let’s go lesbianssss” Tenko says, which makes me laugh.

Wait. Is Kaede lesbian? I feel myself pale. I thought she was flirting with me, and I thought I was flirting back. Out of my peripheral vision I see Kaede and Miu pull away from each other. I guess I’ll ask when she’s sober.

“We should put on a movie or something to get them to sleep.” Himiko whispers to me. I agree, and put on some american comedy. I speak some english and I can tell the subtitles are wildly inaccurate, but no one else seems to notice so I let it play. 

“If only you’d let me love you!” The main woman character shouts to the man. 

“Big whoop. Date your best friend or something. Straight people are so tiring.” Mumbles Tenko. She sounds pretty sober now. I think us two are the only ones awake.

“Hey Tenko?” I whisper, careful not to wake Miu who is asleep on my thigh.

“What’s up?” She answers, barely tilting her head towards me.

“Is Kaede… um, would I ever have a chance with her?” There’s a moment of silence, and I swear I hear her sigh.

“I think you should ask her that yourself.” I nod. I probably should- I’m just terrible at confrontations. 

I don’t even know if I LIKE like Kaede. I just know that she makes me happy and she’s really pretty.

I bury my head in my pillow and try to drown out the sounds of the terrible acting.


	7. Chapter Seven

When I wake up, I find that Kaede somehow moved in her sleep, and she’s now snuggled up on my shoulder. Miu is still sleeping on my thigh. My face burns red. I can’t get up with them like this. Not to mention, Kaede smells like baby powder and lavender. Her round cheeks are tinged pink, probably from the after-effects of alcohol. How does she look so pretty, even when fast asleep?

“Hey Shuichi! Are you up?” Angie leans down in front of me. She’s still wearing her jeans and shirt from last night, except now they’re all rumpled. Her bleached hair is now in a curly puff around her head like a cloud. 

“Yeah.” I whisper.

“They both sleep like logs. You can get up.” She giggles. I slowly worm out from under the two blondes. I breathe a sigh of relief when I can finally stand up.

We walk to the kitchen and sit on the counter.

“Where’s Tenko and Himiko?” I ask, glancing around. 

“The two had to leave early, because Tenko has a martial arts tournament.”

“Ah, I’m sorry. You had to be awake all alone.” I laugh nervously, scratching the back of my head.

“No no! It is okay. I just woke up as well. Himiko texted me the information.”

“Oh. I see.” 

“Nng…” I hear someone stir from the couch. Angie and I glance at each other and hold back laughter.

“GAH!!! MIU??” Kaede springs up, face pink. She straightens her skirt and crop top before realizing Angie and I are staring at her. Miu groans from the floor.

We burst out into laughter, making Kaede cross her arms and pout.

“Jeez. Bullies.” She sticks out her tongue. 

Miu stands up and stretches.

“Good morning, virgins.” 

“You’re the virgin.” Kaede rolls her eyes.

“Do you think they remember making out last night?” Angie whispers to me. A pang of jealousy hits me when I remember what had happened.

“I dunno. Should we ask them?” She laughs. I like Angie. Not in a romantic way, but she seems to care about her friends a lot and she’s really funny. Religious anecdotes and all.

The three hungover girls left about an hour later. When Kaede was leaving, she kissed me on the cheek. I can’t help but wonder if it was a friendly peck or something more. 

It’s about three in the afternoon. I go to eat something, since I haven’t really eaten anything in 48 hours. I only have 2 granola bars and then some fancy alcohol I keep for special occasions. I eat both bars and drink some wine, because why not. It’s actually pretty good, and I end up feeling a bit buzzed.

“Jeez, Shuichi. At this rate you’ll end up becoming an alcoholic.” I laugh to myself. 

Shoot. I suddenly remember the problem I had been procrastinating before my friends had come over. Go back to work, or work on mental health. I groan and faceplant into the kitchen counter.

I need to go back to work. I need to figure out who the snitch is in our precinct- otherwise the whole bust of Location Z might fail, and an ungodly amount of hard drugs would stay on the streets. I know there are other capable detectives, smart ones who know what they’re doing, like Shirogane and Amami.

Then again, I know I’m the most capable. I hate to admit it, but I’m not called the boy wonder for nothing. I sigh. I know what I have to do. 

I call Captain Tojo and tell her I’ve decided to continue working. She can’t exactly deny me, especially since I haven’t given her the papers from the psychologist from yesterday. Ms.Sara doesn’t have to know I’m still working. As long as I remember to eat, sleep, and not overwork myself, I’ll be fine.

I’ll be fine, that’s right! Strangely optimistic, I decide to go shopping for some real food. 

I head over to the market in downtown Tokyo, insanely busy at this time of day. The strong smells of roasting meat and cigarette smoke fill my senses. I buy some essentials, along with some fried sweet potato chips which I snack on while walking around. 

I’m walking past an emptier part of the market when I hear some voices coming from an alley. 

“-Finish the deal.” That sounds suspicious. I quickly swallow the rest of my chips and crouch down. I slowly walk towards the small and dark alley. I peek around the corner to see what’s going on.

I’m met with a pair of wide, purple eyes. I gasp and fall backwards, stumbling over my own feet. I pull out my taser and level it. I hate making eye contact so I stare at the person’s white hoodie. Wait, white hoodie?

“Kokichi?” I lower my weapon slightly. He looks stunned for a quick second before smirking. He looks better than he did last night, still pale and with eyebags, but less sickly looking.

“Well well well Shumai, we finally meet outside the precinct.” He giggles. I pocket my taser. I look him up and down. I never realized how short he is. I guess whenever I saw him at the precinct, he was sitting down. Now that we’re both standing, I figure he’s barely taller than five foot. 

“Oh, um, yeah.” I say awkwardly. Wait, what am I doing again? I blink away the haze of the alcohol mugginess I was still feeling.

“What are you doing in that alley?” I say sternly. His face doesn’t flicker, he just keeps his smug grin.

“I’m just smoking with some friends.” He grabs my hand and pulls me into the entrance of the alley. 

There’s a group of 9 other people, all dressed in similar white clothing to Kokichi. They all smile at me with suspicious smiles, but sure enough they’re all smoking harmless cigarettes.

“Care to join us?” Kokichi asks, gesturing his hand holding his own burning paper. I quit smoking a while ago after I started getting bad coughing fits, even though many of my coworkers still do.

“Sorry, I’m 3 months clean.” I say. Something’s off about this place- maybe it’s the fact that each person is wearing a white article of clothing. I make a mental note to search something about that in our records later.

“C’mon. One wouldn’t hurt.” A girl with two pigtails says. If I stay, maybe I’ll be able to get some information from them. I realize that only Kokichi knows I’m a cop as well.

“Alright, why not.” I shrug and take a cigarette. The nicotine calms me.

“So, how do you know our Kokichi?” A chubby girl with choppy purple hair asks. I take another drag from the cigarette before I answer, but Kokichi answers for me.

“We met in the holding cell at the precinct.” He subtly winks at me. Huh? Why did he lie for me?

“Ooooh, a criminal!” The bubbly girl with pigtails says.

“What’s your damage?” A boy, younger than me, asks. I notice that everyone here seems to be about my age, or possibly younger.

“Theft. I tried to steal some stuff from Macy’s.” I lie easily. I watch their reactions closely. They seem desensitized to it all, as no one has any subtle body language reactions. This means I’m probably interacting with a group or either current or past criminals.

“Speaking of which, how’d you get out, Kokichi?” I ask casually once the others have gone back to talking. They are talking about some movie they saw, not relating to what I had heard earlier.

“The majority of the detectives were out last night, working. Who let you go?” I say smugly. I always have this strange sort of confidence whenever I’m doing police work. His cheeky facade doesn’t waver, and he answers easily.

“Well after you left to go do your big bust, Captain Tojo recognized me from last time, fined me fifty bucks, and let me go.” He’s lying. I know this because once he finishes he does his tell, which I remember from the first time I met him, when he said he was a law abiding citizen. The left side of his mouth twitches when he lies. 

“How do you know Captain Tojo’s name?” I shoot back. He answers smoothly again- but still does his tell. I doubt he even knows he’s doing it.

“She told me.” He leans forward slightly.

“How did you pay the fifty bucks if you couldn’t afford bread?” I lean forward more, eyes piercing his.

“I didn’t. One of my friends here did.” Lies.

“Which one?”

“Francis.” He’s still lying.

“And how did they pay?” I say, getting agitated.

“She payed. With. Cash.” He spits out. 

“I hate to interrupt you lovebirds, but what’s going on?” Pigtail girl asks. I didn’t even realize how close Kokichi and I were- our noses were almost touching. I blush and back away quickly. I take a final drag from my cigarette and angrily put it out on the sidewalk.

“Just a ‘lover’s’ feud.” He says. I scowl at him, but the purple haired bother only winks in response.

“Thanks for the cigarette. I’ve gotta go.” I stand up and grab my grocery basket.

“Bye Kokichi’s boyfriend!!” The others say, which makes me flustered.

“Bye Shumai.” I feel his eyes on my back as I walk away, and I don’t dare turn around until I’ve rounded the street corner.

What is that guy’s deal? He can be nice and honest, but only when it’s us two alone. Otherwise he’s a suspicious prick! I clench my fists and take a deep breath.

Why am I getting so heated over this random kid? Sure, maybe he can be really nice and sure, his annoyingness is strangely endearing, and SURE, maybe, I think he’s a little cute… I stop walking.

Where was I even going with that thought train? I sigh in frustration. Whatever. I need to focus on work, anyways. I can’t let Kokichi distract me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! SO I just got back into the writing game, and I hope the few of you here still with me will stay. I've gotten a really inspiring comment that convinced me to keep writing, so here I go!

Later that day, when I arrive at work, I’m a little disappointed to see Kokichi isn’t there. I guess I wanted to clear things up with him- like why he lied about what happened two days ago and why he lied to his friends about me.

“Good evening, Shuichi!” Keebo greets me, peppy as always. They’re drinking from a coffee cup, but I’m pretty sure it’s hot chocolate since they have a chocolate mustache on their upper lip. 

I walk over to them, and wipe off the chocolate with my thumb. I freeze. Why did I just do that? Their face turns red, and they tense their shoulders.

“Um… you had a chocolate mustache.” I mumble, tilting my head down so the brim of my hat hides my blush.

“Oh! Th-thanks!” They say. 

“We, um, we have a meeting in 5.” They mumble before walking away, still blushing madly. I nod, and go to my desk. 

Jeez. What’s with me today? I’m confident, even flirtatious. Am I still buzzed from the wine I drank? It’s definitely possible- but I feel like maybe I’m breaking out of the walls I had put up so many years ago after Kaito and I’s fallout, my recruitment into the force, and my traumatic first case as a detective. I mean, I was able to hang out with the girls last night without my hat on. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually be able to look people in the eye like a regular person soon.

I go to the debriefing room and sit next to Tsumugi like usual.

“Nice to see you back Shuichi!” She smiles. I smile back at her.

“Good evening everyone.” Captain Tojo enters. The debriefing is short, and she assigns Keebo and I to work on interrogating the perps we had arrested at the bust. After the meeting I go up to her and ask to speak in private. We go to her office, and I close the blinds before sitting down.

“Closed blinds?” She narrows her eyes. I nod. She reaches over to a cd player and starts playing classical music- the usual procedure when speaking about confidential matters. If Tojo’s room was bugged, the music would interfere with our voices and they wouldn’t be able to hear us.

“There was a runner at the bust the other night. When I tackled him down, he said that I would never find Location Z.” Tojo gasps, covering her mouth with her gloved hand. 

“He said specifically Location Z? As in the code only police in this precinct now?” 

“Yeah.” She thinks for a few seconds before narrowing her eyes.

“You waited to tell me this important info?” She says in a low voice- the one I recognize as I’m in BIG trouble. I look down, ashamed. I didn’t even think about coming into work yesterday. Dammit Shuichi, you just had to be selfish for one night.

“I’m sorry, captain. I needed a mental health day.” She sighs and rubs the bridge of her nose. 

“Okay, fine. But you do realize what this means, yes?”

“That there’s a mole.” I say, keeping eye contact with her for a split second. I read fear- fear and betrayal from her pale green eyes.

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Pretend business is usual, but I want you to investigate every officer in the precinct. I trust my officers, but you’ve always been my most trusted, and you know that.” She pauses.

“I’ll do my own investigations of course- but I’m relying on you to really figure this whole mess out. Got it?” She extends a hand.

“Got it.” I shake her hand, and stand up. She shuts off the music.

“That was Vivaldi’s spring. It's beautiful, right?” Tojo says. She’s just saying that to mislead any possible bugs.

“Gorgeous.” I say with a small nod. Leaving her office, I almost bump into Keebo.

“Why were you waiting outside the door?” I ask them. They look away, embarrassed. 

“I wanted to talk to Tojo and get some tips on interrogating.” 

“Well you could have asked me.” I laugh. They shrug.

“Haha, true. Give me your tips while we walk to the room okay?” Keebo smiles, and we start walking towards the interrogation room. That was… suspicious. I changed their mind so fast about talking to Tojo- were they there for something else? Or were they trying to listen?

I tell them some generic interrogation tips, while watching their body language acutely. Open. Calm. But… nervous. Nervous because they look up to me and possibly like me romantically? Or nervous like they’re hiding something?

Well there would be only one way to find out. To ask them out on a date. My face reddens at the thought. I’ll see what happens at the interrogation, and then decide my course of action afterwards.

Of course, the interrogation leads to nothing, the perp is sent back to the holding cell at the jail, and we’re left with no leads. Keebo was surprisingly good in the room, they were able to sound professional without sounding upset. I thought they would be a lot more nervous, but I guess they can really break out of their shell when working. Just like me.

I end up overworking myself, exhausting every last brain cell until I’m too tired to function. At least I got somewhere while investigating, I ended up finding out that Location Z is outside of Tokyo, possibly on the docks. That’s good news at least.

It’s the end of the work day, the sun is rising, and I’m literally unable to stand up from my seat on the couch in the break room.

“Shuichi?” There’s a tapping on my shoulder, and I slowly look up. It’s Kaito, holding a coffee cup.

“Kaito!” I spring up, surprised.

“What are you doing here?”

“Well I wanted to give you this, since I figured you work here.” He shakes the coffee cup slightly. I take it gratefully and take a sip. Almond cream latte. One of my favorites from high school- I’m surprised Kaito remembered.

“Thank you!” I smile at him, and he grins back.

“Aaand Kaede is throwing a party tonight, and I was wondering if you’d want to come? I thought we could maybe catch up a bit.” A laugh escapes my lips.

“Sure, I was actually already invited by Kaede herself.” 

“Oh!” He chuckles. We go over to the elevator. The doors are about to shut tight when Keebo stops it. Nervousness suddenly overcomes me, but I'm not one hundred percent sure why. Maybe it’s because my childhood crush, me, and my maybe- present crush are all in close quarters. That’s… exactly it. 

“Hey Kaito, whatcha doin in the precinct?” Keebo says. What? They know each other?

“Just giving my friend Shuichi some coffee.”

“You guys know each other?” I interrupt. 

“You know Shuichi?” The two say at the same time. They both break into laughter, but I just chuckle nervously. What the hell is going on?

“Shuichi and I were friends in highschool.” Kaito explains.

“Shuichi and I are working together on a case.” Keebo says. They look over to me.

“Oh! And Kaito works at the coffee shop a block away, so of course I know him.” 

“Man, I can’t believe Shuichi and I could’ve made up any time in these past years, but our paths never crossed!” Kaito complains, crossing his arms and pouting. 

“I guess so.” The nervousness ebbs away. Funny coincidences, this city has. Kaito knows Kaede and Keebo, and I only met Kaede through pure chance. Maybe I met them for a reason…

Soon I’m at home, and Kaito and I are texting each other random gifs and memes. He’s got a good eye for memes, as I find myself laughing out loud every time. 

“So… Keebo, huh? Are you into them?” Kaito texts out of nowhere, breaking the chain of memes. I feel my heart rate pick up and I have to mash my face into a pillow for 20 seconds before I can answer.

“That came out of nowhere.”

“Cmon Shuichi. I may have not seen you for a  
couple years but I still recognize your tell.”

“My tell??”

“Yep. Whenever you have a crush on someone you tug on the tip of your hair. Did you never notice that?” I do? I didn’t know I did that. Although my hair is getting pretty long, it’s about shoulder length. As long as I still pass as male I don’t really mind though.

“...So you can tell whenever I have a crush on someone? -_-”

“Yep! :)”

“Well I don’t like Keebo, they’re cute but I don’t want to date them or anything.” That’s only half true. I do like Keebo, even if it’s only a small crush, but it is true I don’t want to date them. Plus it’s possible they could be the mole, so I’m not taking any chances.

“Oohh I see, well I guess I was wrong. See you tonight?” He sends a gif of a cat with big blue eyes, looking at the camera pleadingly.

“Yep :)” I text finally. Maybe I should cut my hair. I go over to the mirror and rub the long locks between my fingers. The stupid ahoge that always sticks up out of my hair seems longer too. 

I should cut it, I did get misgendered the other night by Himiko on accident. I grab a pair of scissors and start chopping away.

An hour later I’m admiring my new haircut- cut short on the sides, a bit longer on the top. I run a hand through it, grinning like a mad man. Gender euphoria courses through me.

When I get dressed for the party later that day, I end up leaving my hat at home. I’ve been weirdly confident all day. I think I can do this! After chugging a couple of energy drinks, I’m taking the subway over to the University of Tokyo.

I sneak into campus as per Kaede’s instructions- sneaking as in telling the guard I left my ID in my dorm room, which she believes. That was easy.

The door to Kaede’s room is almost shaking with the pumping of music, and I can hear dozens of people inside partying. I falter for a second before knocking on the door. Is this really the best idea…? Maybe I should go home. I’m about to turn around when I remember I had already told Kaito and Kaede I was coming. I can’t let them down now…

A short girl opens the door. She has blonde hair in two spiky pigtails. Her scowling eyes look me up and down. 

“Sorry, Uni students only.” She snickers and starts to close the door, but Kaede runs over and stops her.

“Hiyoko, I invited him. Come on in Shuichi!” Kaede looks amazing tonight. She’s wearing a pale pink crop top and black leather pants. Her hair is done up in a ponytail and has a bunch of little hello kitty clips.

“Helllooo, earth to Shuichi??” She waves a hand in front of my face. I blink. Oh right, the party.

Kaede slings an arm around my shoulders and leads me into the dorm room. There’s a huge group of people partying in the living room, and some people drinking in the kitchen. I notice the edge of a towel peaking out from under the door to the bedroom- meaning people are smoking weed, I’m guessing. I wouldn’t report them or anything though. 

“Have fun!” She grins, and hands me a red solo cup filled with what smells like fruit punch and vodka. I watch her jump right back into the living room and start dancing. 

"By the way!" She yells over the crowd, "I like your haircut!" I grin and give her a thumbs up. 

And then my heart stops. 

I'm looking at Kaede, beautiful and sweaty and laughing, when I see the three others. 

Keebo singing karaoke.

Kaito talking with a group.

Kokichi doing shots.

And my bisexual ass, having a heart attack.

I remember Kaede inviting me in the first place. Keebo and Kaito talking about it in the elevator. Kokichi mentioning he was going to a party on saturday in the holding cell.

I don't know who to talk to- everyone's just- everyone's just everywhere. I feel myself starting to panic, so I dash into the bathroom where people are smoking.

"Hey you okay?" A girl with light pink hair asks, the beeping of her Nintendo switch adding to the overstimulation.

I can't bring myself to talk, so I point to the empty bathtub and shower combo. She nods, and the circle parts way to let me through. The curtain shuts tight with a light pull, and I burrow my head into my knees.

No. No no no no no. What am I doing? I'm not supposed to be here. I don't belong here. These people who I'm talking to- they don't really care about me. They hate me. They hate me. They hate me they hate me they hate me they hate me they hate me they hate me. I know I'm having an anxiety attack, and a small part of me knows it's just my brain telling me that, but at the same time the thoughts get so loud they press up against my skull and is suffocating me. In a moment of weakness I chug my drink down, and there's a bottle of whiskey in the bathtub that I drink and drink and drink until my vision looks like a camera from the 50s.

My curtain slides open. Through the fog I recognize Kaede.

"Are you okay Shuichi?" She sits down across from me, drawing her knees to her chest.

"I don't like parties." I take another sip. She slowly take my fingers off the bottle and puts it out of reach.

"Why'd you come then? You didn't have to." She laughs. 

"Because I like you. And your friends. And Kaito and Keebo and Kokichi. I don't understand what kind of sick forces put everyone I might have romantic feelings towards in one party. What sort of twisted fate is it to have everyone all in one place, making me decide. I don't want to decide. I want to..." I ramble. Kaede probably doesn't want to hear this. She hasn't seen me in weakness yet, sure, but I don't want her to see me as a sad boy drunk in a bathtub at what's supposed to be a fun party. 

"I... I want to..." I stare at her. Her lilac eyes are unreadable, neutral but not with the same practice Kokichi has. Just a neutral confusion, like she doesn't know what to do.

I can hear my blood pounding in my ears. My face is hot from the girl across from me and the alcohol in my system. Finally, I can read Kaede's eyes. Understanding. Sympathy. Kindness.

And I kiss her. 

Her lips taste like strawberry laffy taffy and spirits. It only lasts a split second, but I feel frozen in an endless void of time.

She pulls away, cringing slightly.

"Shuichi... I'm sorry. I'm gay." She laughs nervously. I try not to look sad, but my inhibitions are lowered.

"This always happens." She smiles.

"I'm sorry Kaede."

"It's okay." 

The red hot passionate feelings fade away, replaced by an awkward silence. I accidentally break it by throwing up on myself. 

I don't remember anything until I realize I'm in Kaede's car again.

"I owe you two." I mutter from my half conscious state.

"Shuichi, you're a good guy and I like hanging out with you." She says, staring straight ahead at the road. 

"But I need you to take care of yourself. Get your drinking under control if you want to be my friend." 

It sounds harsh at first, but I understand. 

Even though I'm pretty sure I don't have a drinking problem, I nod.

"I will." A grin cracks through her hard exterior.

"And you do owe me two. I expect 2,000 in cash by tomorrow." She giggles. I laugh, barely containing my nausea.

She stops at my apartment.

"I'm sorry I messed up your party."

"You didn't mess it up. Big parties aren't for everyone, and now you know that, right?" I shrug.

"I guess so." 

"I wish you luck with the three other people at that party you like. I'm sure they're a much better kisser than me." We laugh, and I sense the friendship we had before the incident come back. 

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight." 

I stumble my way upstairs and collapse at my couch. There are several missed text messages, which I scroll through.

Two from Keebo:

"Hello! were you at a party tonight? I believe I saw you LOL."

"Wait do not regard my last text, I can ask you tomorrow, we're meeting about the second bust LOL seeya." 

One from Himiko:

"where r u"

Two from Kaito:

"Hey when will you be here?"

"Oh Kaede told me what happened. Hope you feel better assistant! :) I hope we can have an encounter soon where you aren't hurt!"

And just one from an unknown number. I read the text. I read the text again. I read it again and again and again until the words are drilled into my brain.

"You know where it is, Boy Detective. You know, whether it's conscious or not. You have three days until they'll kill you. Stay safe Shumai."

I black out before I can think about it any longer.


	9. Chapter 9

In 6th grade my class went on a trip to Okinawa. I remember on the plane Kaito kept talking about astronauts, or spaceships, or something of the sort and I ended up falling asleep on his shoulder. He didn’t notice I wasn’t paying attention for an entire half hour. He only realized I was in REM when he asked me what my favorite expedition was and I didn’t answer, apparently.

That night Kaito and I snuck out of our hotel, away from the watchful eyes of the teachers, and went to the beach. The water was too cold, and we were just in our underwear, but I remember feeling an elated sort of happiness.

When Kaito broke the surface of the water, and his maroon hair was sticking straight up with the stickiness of the salt, I wanted to kiss him. My face felt too hot and too awkward for a couple of minutes, but the waves washed it away eventually. 

When I woke up today I swear I can taste salt on my tongue. I’m not thinking about last night, which is irregular of me. Instead of overthinking it, my mind is completely numb. Everything is. I brush my teeth. I shower, small pieces of hair falling from my newly short cut. I eat breakfast and get ready for work. 

When I walk into the office, everyone’s giving me weird looks. I think I’m still drunk, because everything looks weird and cloudy. Someone’s sitting in my chair, so I sit down on the bench next to the holding cell. I stare at the ground, watching my vision blur in and out.

“Can we help you sir?” A uniformed officer approaches me. 

“I work here.” I murmur. I’m in my police uniform, aren’t I? I look down at myself and see the black t-shirt and jeans I wore yesterday to the party.

“I work here.” I say a little louder. It’s light outside, I realize. It’s not time for my shift yet.

“Sorry- wrong time.” I push past the officer and go down the elevator. I collapse in an alley next to the precinct, not caring if anyone sees me. I stare up at the cloudy sky, the unmistakable smell of pee near my face, and feel the silent tears streaming down my face.

Fuck. This isn’t how a detective should act. When detectives get a death threat, they report it. But how the fuck can I report it if I can’t trust anyone in my squadron because there’s a mole…? 

The pain in my heart spikes into a monster, engulfing every sense in my body. I can’t trust anyone. And I’m going to be killed. I know some death threats are fake, but this one feels real.

I sit up with a scowl and wince as I realize I’ve kept my binder on for far too long.

“Think of this logically. You’re a logical person.” I say to myself, and I see people looking at me with the kind of expression people give meth addicts on the side of the street. 

“The death threat obviously was sent by Kokichi, or someone who knows Kokichi well enough to know his nickname for me. That means he has ties to the drug dealers connected to Location Z. Maybe the fact that everyone in that group of his was wearing white means something, some ties to… something. I can’t think quite clearly yet.

My phone is buzzing, but I ignore it. I need to find Kokichi. I just need to solve this case. Just one more case, and I can rest.

I start on my way towards the spot where I accidentally met him downtown. I stop inside to buy a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and I chain smoke them while I walk. 

‘You’re getting worse’ the quiet voice in my head says.

“Just one more case.” I say into my cigarette. It sharpens the world around me. 

I’m shivering in the cold of the morning when I arrive at the alleyway. Kokichi isn’t there, but the purple haired girl is. She’s wearing a head to toe white hazmat suit. It strikes me as weird, but I don’t have time to question it.

“Where is he?”

“Quit quitting smoking, huh?” She snickers.

“I need to talk to Kokichi.” 

“Your boyfriend isn’t here. He’s in Okinawa.” I call a cab to take me there, since it’s so much farther.

“Why are you trying so hard?” The Kaede in my head asks, sitting next to me in the taxi. The subtle pinkness of her lipgloss is too sweet, I can smell it from here.

“I don’t know.”

“I think you know.” Keebo smiles, with that sunshiny grin of theirs. They have a hot chocolate mustache, but I can’t reach them to wipe it off.

“You can’t stop.” Kokichi teases. He’s hoarding a pile of food from the break room of the precinct. 

“You can’t fucking stop.” Kaito’s hair is sticking up again from the salt. He punches me, and I’m unconscious again.

Once when I was in my apartment one lonely evening with only my cup of hot tea for company, Kaede’s concert came on. This happened often, since she was pretty popular and I liked the music channel on TV.

I used to take piano lessons when I was really young- but I only ever learnt one song, because I wanted to just keep working on that song until it was absolutely perfect. The song, Clair De Lune, was the same piece she was performing that night.

She was at a wedding for some famous person, and played that song for the slow dance. With the piece embedded into my muscle memory, I mirrored her piece to the T. 

However at one point in the song, deep into the chorus, she hits a wrong note. It’s so slight, and for the tiniest of seconds, but I see it. The camera isn’t showing her face, but I see the tension in her hands tighten. 

I realized then that she was like me. Just like I had to solve every case I came across, she had to hit every note to perfection. 

I watched all of her performances since then.

Yellow light is shining so bright into my eyes that I can’t tell if my eyes are open or closed. I can’t hear anything except a high pitched ringing noise. I wait for the ringing noise to go away, but it doesn't. I open my eyes and realize I’m facing a giant alarm clock, at least three feet taller than me. Instead of clock hands, it has two fingers, and one is stuck permanently over the grinning mouth of the clock. Cigarette smoke is pouring out through the top where the noise is emanating.

“Nee hee hee hee…” The clock chuckles.

“Think about it, Shumai.” Vines crawl up from beneath the dirt and grapple onto my shoes.

“You know.” The clock assures me. I try to stare the clock back in the eyes, but the purple is too bright.

“I don’t know.” I hiss back, trying to pull my legs out of the grasp of the vines.

“You know where Location Z is, and you know who the mole is.” The plants are squeezing so tight into my skin it burns.

“I DON’T KNOW!” I yell, screaming at the clock now. It laughs uproariously, it’s hour hand spinning wildly.

The vines creep up to my shoulders and grasp on tight to my skin, small needles inserting themselves into my pores. A single vine pierces into my stomach, reaching into my organs and squeezing them. They tug me into the ground. I try to keep my mouth closed so dirt doesn’t get in it, but I can feel the granules getting pushed up into my nose and all the way into my brain.

I seem to be pulled through the dirt for several monotonous years until I’m finally released into a cavern where the vines hold me upside down like a fly trapped in a painful green spider web. It’s a stark darkness compared to the bright light of the above ground. 

There’s a robot there, completely still and rusted over. I reach out to it. Maybe it can help me get out of this tangled up mess, and figure out what the hell is happening. The jaw of the mouth creaks open, and a quiet voice echoes out.

“I can help you.” The teeth are too rusty.

“I don’t trust you.” I say. It’s eyes light up and cast shadows of the expanse of a cavern we’re in. One eye is a bright red, and the other is blue. They keep flashing on and off.

“You have no choice.”

“What if you’re the mole?”

“What if I’m not?” The teeth turn into a skeletal grin. 

“I don’t know what to do.” I cry. My tears transform into blood when they splatter on the rocky floor.

“Stop being an idiot Shuichi.” I don’t know who said that.

The high pitched noise is louder, but it sounds different now. Sharper, and more incessant. It’s too loud, and I finally wake up. No talking clocks, no beach, no robots, no piano keys. Just a blurry white ceiling.

“Gh…” I exhale. My stomach feels weird, like there’s a big metal weight on it. I sit up to try and see where I am, but I’m too weak to move. There’s a big red button next to my bed. The beeping is coming from a heart monitor next to me.

Huh. I must be in a hospital. The blurriness finally dissipates after a while, although I have no clues as to what time it is or how I got here. I can make out my phone on the table by my bed, and reach out for it. 

The date on my phone says it’s December 30th. That can’t be right- the night of the party was December 23rd. 

“What the fuck…?” I murmur, taking notice of the vase of flowers by the side of my bed. 

The memories hit me like a car. I quickly tap over to my messages, same as the ones I read last night- or, I guess, last week.

There are several texts from an array of people, dated 6 days ago. I click on Keebo’s first.

“Hey where are you? Do I have the wrong cafe? LOL.”

“Shucihiii.”

“I’m worried :(“

“Okay I texted Kaito who texted Kaede and I’m coming over to your apartment I’m really worried…”

I remember getting extremely drunk at the party and kissing Kaede. I also remember getting home and feeling guilty for kissing Kaede so I drank more. The vodka in my freezer, which I remember chugging in a half unconscious state of depression. 

And now I’m here.

Oh, shit, and now there’s the matter of the weird message I got that night. The one alluding to the fact I would die in 3 days. But… apparently it’s been a week and I am very much not dead. I was here, sure, but it’s unlikely me being in a coma would stop one of the largest crime syndicates in Tokyo.

When I check my phone to review what it says, it’s nowhere to be seen. Not in my recently deleted, but gone, as though it never existed in the first place.

I put my phone down, and cover my ears with my hands. Think Shuichi, think. What’s really going on here? Did you actually get that text? Or was it a warning from your intuition? 

I don’t even have to ask myself that. The puzzle pieces are aligning in my head, slowly but surely. A mistake I made all those years ago that caused me to wear my hat, to avoid looking people in the eyes ever again. The clock and the cigarettes. The purple. The beach.

“Based on the fact that the small amount of cocaine we found had salt residue, we can conclude that Location Z is near the coastline. Now, what coastline in Japan is the question.” Tsumugi had presented at the case meeting. 

The coastline. My brain feels like it’s about to explode with the razor sharp focus. The only thing that breaks it is the clicking of heels in the hallway near my room. I’m so close. I’m so fucking close. 

I grab a pen and quickly scribble two words on the back of my hand.

The door is opening now so I slump back and rub my head like I just woke up.

“Oh, my!” A squeaky young nurse exclaims, dropping her coffee in shock. The brown liquid explodes across the tile floor.

“Oh my, oh my.” She scrambles with her clipboard.

“Sorry sir, I’ll be right back!” The nurse dashes outside. I look back down at my hand once she’s out of sight. I need to get out of here. I’m so close to figuring it out, I just need one last piece of information. It’s shaky, and the foundation is crumbling under the pressure of how much time has passed, by intuition is telling me I’m right.

And my intuition is never wrong.

The nurse comes back with an older woman, who walks up to my bed and sits down next to me. The nurse furiously scrubs at the floor with a paper towel.

“Hi, I’m Dr.Takahashi.” Her voice is too sickly sweet for my liking, it’s as if she’s talking to a baby.

“Could you tell me your name?”

“Saihara Shuichi. Dr.Takahashi, I really need to get out of here-” I start to explain, but she cuts me off.

“So you can go drink more?” She jokes, giving an annoying sort of laugh. I give her a dead stare.

“No. I’m-”

“Shuichi, dear, you were in a coma for a week. There are several precautions we must take, plus your psychologist and therapist are both recommending you going to a rehabilitation center, or a mental health ward. I suggest-”

“I KNOW! I know I’m fucked up but,” I pause to gather my thoughts. “I’m a detective of the TPD, and I believe I just cracked the location of one of the biggest crime syndicates in Tokyo, The Silvers.” I make up the name on the spot, since the name we call them in the department is classified. 

“Still honey. You can’t just-” 

“I’m leaving. You can’t force me to stay here.” I stand up and rip off the heart monitors on my stomach and chest. There’s a bandage on my stomach where I suspect they had to pump my stomach. I guess they were feeding me by hand, because there is no feeding tube.

My legs almost break under the gravity of being upright, but my will is resolved. I brush past the nurse and walk as fast as I can towards the exit, still wearing a hospital gown. My phone is gripped in my hand like a lifeline. The wound in my stomach is burning.

“Saihara-Kun, I strongly recommend not leaving the hospital. This would be an unsafe discharge!” Dr.Takahashi yells after me. I ignore her and quickly sign out on the sheet at the front desk.

“You’re getting worse!” The voice in my head is screaming now, it’s voice too loud to hear the protests of the doctor.

“I can get better when I solve this case.” I murmur to myself, the cold morning air hitting me once I step out of the hospital. 

The black ink on my hand remains, and I know what I need to do.

“First. Kokichi.” It reads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, the chapter where Shuichi has an insane alcohol induced dream. I was hyperfocusing and ended up writing this fic for about 4 hours. hope yall liked it :)

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter, wattpad, and buymeacoffee.com @wlwchiaki ! Feel free to leave criticism or notes in the comments :)


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